February - Re-Writing
Remember that nice list of things I wrote and would partake in back in January and at the end I said I would have to rewrite it all?
Well what a surprise!
So from the top-
1. Enrol on the art foundation course at the college in town and stop fretting about the future- Everything I do in my life is back to front, houses, jobs, being a grown up SO... I'm going to go back to college- do the art foundation as I need to learn everything all over again then go to university to do a fine art degree and...then do a Masters and become an art therapist. I'm doing it, I'm going to like it, I'm going to do it properly this time and I won't be nervous or have a funny do.
What a load of old rubbish. I did however go to the college to have a nose around. It was raining really heavy, I got soaked. I arrived at the big shiny college doors and I felt odd. Moving on into the foyer I was instructed to fill out a form of uselessness for postcode purposes and then I went to see the tutors. Full of 'I'm not so sure' and 'I think I have come here by mistake' I was told that as an adult over 25, to enrol on an art foundation it would cost £5000 and 'this is adult enrolment evening for adults wanting to go into higher education!' I replied with 'well I am an adult so I thought I could come and enrol?' small laughing ensued that wasn't funny and then I was given some phone numbers and I left. I had a half a Guinness in a pub that wasn't what it said it was and I went home with a headache. I made myself so nervous and sick that I didn't go out for three days afterwards. Instead I tried to figure out what to do, ringing round places and finding out from student finance that even though I self funded a photography HNC in 2002 part time in the evenings whilst working full time I am not eligible for a student loan. If I was to do a fine art degree I would have to pay for it all myself and that's that. I replied to the very sort of helpful student loans man 'Er.. well... how does that work if I haven't had a student loan in the past and now I want to get one to sort myself out and retrain?' The silence was deafening which meant that I was probably being recorded for training purposes. Turns out I can only get funding to do a top up degree and it would have to be in photography. Now this is ok but after working and doing it for over 15 years do I need all that added tutor beef in my life or do I go with it to get where I eventually want to be?
The art therapy lady I spoke to about MA's was however very nice and she said that the routes open to me using a photography degree could still mean I could do a masters at some point with extra experience. I don't want to whinge or get all Citizen Smith but the barriers to adult learning I have found just in this past month alone really stink. You don't get any real help or information, you can't change your career in a related subject and anything you have done in a previous life seems to either count for nothing or ruin any future plans. If you have had a different experience or I am missing something then do please let me know. Maybe I should have known what I wanted to do at 18 and be good and proper and wear court shoes but when I was 18 I wanted to be in order- a florist, a photographer for National Geographic, a botanist, a geologist, a beach comber, art teacher, do digging on Time Team, work in the cake shop as it was called Milly's and if all else failed become an ice cream lady. Feeling done with all of these jobs ideas after leaving college where I studied health studies?! I went to Prague to visit my sister who was working over there and stayed. We ate pizza and I was introduced to capers, so er who is the coolest? So back I go with my little pad and pen to make a new list of jobs to do.
2. MAKE THE DANIEL ZINE.
I have taken his pictures but we are turning it into a story about a day in Daniels busy life. Good news is his part time girlfriend dumped him for the black and white cat. 'You only need me and me only Daniel' I said.
3. Go to bed earlier..get up earlier -HA!
A few nights I did go to bed earlier but I am a sleeper and I like to lie in. I am hoping in the March issue of this newsletter to be better at sleeping and waking.
4. Attend to my correspondence as soon as it arrives- Bad pen-pal Emma.
I have completed all letters except three new arrivals and I have a few swap times to send and then I am all caught up. Who is the best? Me!
5. Sell all of my things to fund impending older persons student life.
Yes I am doing that and I have kept going selling my things on eBay but maybe I save up for a holiday instead or a nice mackintosh instead of student life. I was been inspired by Sarah after reading her blog post about being skint. I am also skint and have spent pretty much most of my life being skint. I have had money in the past and spent it, I haven't had any money at all and still managed to find some to spend. The past two years have been the worst ever and I think with grief and other stuff in your brain you just put things like money to the back of your mind. After my bank statement came in last month I felt throw up sick and it was then I decided to make the biggest efforts in life itself to not spend anything at all except for essentials, pay stuff off, budget but never be without hair dye and make-up. It is my own fault, it will be ok and I will sort it out. Paying bills and petrols are a given for me but other than that nothing is to be bought that I don't need. I have also had to cut down on my letters. I love each and everyone of my pen pals and I even feel stupid saying pen pals as we are good friends some for a long time but... due to the rising cost of overseas post, not receiving anything back from swaps that aren't cheap to send and also from losing touch with people due to one thing or another I have to do something about it.
Taking Sarah's found money advice to new levels, I have made a found money jar. I have always picked money up off the floor even in school and I would get called for it, however when I saved up my found playground monies back in the summer of 1995 who was able to buy breakaway biscuits in bulk from the lower canteen? Me that's who. After just over 4 weeks work I have accrued £1 and 3p. £98.97p to go until £100 target is met at Christmas. Eyes down!
6. Think about cutting my hair into a tasteful bob.
my sister cut two inches off of bad tats. I am pleased with the outcome.
7. Buy a bow and arrow- I passed my training so technically I am an archer. An archer of truth and crisps.
No but I have a quiver, arm guard and glove and I am borrowing my sister in laws bow until can save up in 15 years time. I went to the bow shop but I had a cold and lost interest. I did find a lost glove for my lost glove picture collection. I still try to eat crisps.
8. Get my braces off
I don't notice them so much now but I really would like to feel my teeth again and stop contemplating whether orange would be a good colour choice for them or a terrible mistake. I have to wear elastic bands everyday all day, when eating and sleeping and they are stupid. I can't talk about them as they make me sad and I lisp and spit a bit when talking.
9. Make a dress/skirt- all of my future clothes just like Nanny used to.
Haven't done this yet but my mum said she would help and I have found a nice dress pattern.
10. Make a proper office/desk/studio space to put my Bert and Ernie lights up and create a space for my teas-maid.
11. Get Daniel a selection of hats for summer.
He doesn't like them.
12. Start swimming again- I used to be a three times a weeker.
No, but I went on the exercise bike last week. I have also started to eat two tangerines a day, tangerines in the house permitting.
13. Eat grapes-just the green ones.
14. Clean the doughnut icing of my car seat- clean car- buy new air freshener-fix nodding cats head back on.
I did and I hoovered and wiped and placed everything back inside nice. I febreezed and fixed the cats head.
15. Attend events- zine fairs, craft fairs, art events/exhibitions/meet ups- I'm not going to be sick, people are nice and if I get nervous I can have a glacier mint preferably a fruit glacier - blackcurrant but ideally raspberry.
I have some things planned to visit and some exhibitions to visit as well. I like visits.
16. Iron clothes when they are first washed not 6 months later- Hang up ironed clothes-put away sundry items-not on the floor.
I did this for the first week and now the whole sorry thing has started again with a pile gradually building of un ironed belongings. Ironing is just ludricrous. The massive ironing board, the steam, the many ways to iron. Tedious.
17. Watch films I've never seen so I can join in when people say 'oh remember in Ghostbusters' er no as I haven't seen it, or Star Wars or Back to the Future one and two etc. I liked the Dark Crystal, Krull, Labyrinth and The Never Ending Story more and playing in the garden and burying my Sindys. I also like Salems lot. so....
I watched Rocky Horror picture show again last night for the thousandth time. 'Hot Patootie bless my soul!'
18. Clean my shoes- keep them clean- rotate shoes- don't buy any more shoes.
I cleaned them all, I have rotated and I haven't bought any more- good.
19. Stop buying pencil sharpeners with faces on.
I don't even want them :(
20. Stop getting cross if people walk too slow in front of me- not everybody has a walking pace the same as me. (WHY NOT!!!)
I haven't really walked anywhere of great distance except round the garden centre and other shops. It is winter so nobody has been out much so places have been quiet. I will walk in Spring.
21. Be a better driver. The lolly pop man has to stop the traffic for the children. Some people forget that green is for go at the traffic lights and that petrol stations are for people to chat and hold up the queue. There is no need for me to use my horn so much.
To the lady who tried to overtake myself and a bus as you were being impatient and weren't watching the road ahead whilst lighting your cigarette. I bet you proper crapped yourself when you saw that bus coming towards you on the other side of the road half way through your impatient overtake. I bet it really hurt your feelings that you had to thank me for letting you back in front of me as you were bad. I hope you have learnt your impatient overtaking cigarette lesson.
22. Ask the man at the charity shop down the road if I can come in one day and clean and catalogue his bookshelves. The Question of Sport annual does not go in the literature section it goes in the recycling bin. The best of Inspector Morse does not go in the action film section it comes home with me.
It has been done! So much better and very neat but I can only look not purchase from now on.
23. Wear my orange floaty pants more- it is still 1995 in my mind.
They are at the caravan so watch out!
24. Stay at the caravan for whole weeks at a time and do walking and drivings and beaching and eat chips.
It opens in March!
25. Rewrite this list in February
Rewrite this list in March.